Women are susceptible to spring fever

The hardest part of using a matchmaking service was

figuring out if the other person genuinely likes me and doesn't want to let me go, or

if they just think I'm okay for my age, and that I'm a decent, marriage-worthy candidate.

Appearance, finances, education,

People with clear needs made simple and clear decisions about their marriage.

I couldn't compromise on that, and I couldn't let go of my dream of falling in love with someone and getting married,

so I think that made the whole process even harder.

Time passed, and a year after our contract ended, my matchmaking manager, feeling like she was being wronged,

offered to continue introducing me to people with the condition that she would receive a success fee when I got married, meaning when I received a wedding invitation.

There was nothing to lose, so I accepted the offer.

Shows like "The Bachelor", "Single's Inferno", "Love Island", and "Love is Blind" were all the rage on TV.

People were ecstatic, empathizing, and finding vicarious satisfaction.

My circle experienced a "Yoon Nam-gi syndrome" from <Single's Inferno 2> and

they lamented, "Why are there no men like that around me?"

Spring used to be a joyful and exciting season for me, but it's been getting more and more depressing for the past few years.

Am I experiencing spring fever?

They say women are susceptible to spring fever, and men are susceptible to autumn fever.

“I think I know why I experience spring fever.

Spring is a time for new beginnings, but I haven't changed much, and I wonder if I ever will.

‘Oh, I'm getting older again’, I think, and I feel a little depressed.”

“Even though it's okay to keep meeting new people, it's still stressful.

Even if people change, the situations and conversations will be similar, so you'll get tired too."

My best friend comforted and encouraged me, saying that all the episodes I've experienced while meeting all sorts of people would be too much for even a book.

And now, I'm actually writing.

During this time of gradually wearing down, I finally recognized the reality I had been trying to ignore deep down.

Ah, I guess I'm really going to live alone now.