<Welcome to the Marriage Information Company> Is Real Marriage Possible? [7]

A Midsummer Night's Dream

There are posts that are easy to find when you look at popular online community bulletin boards.

They simply summarize two profiles and ask people which one is better.

Why would someone need advice from strangers they don't even know to decide who they want to meet?

I know now.

It's because they don't feel a strong attraction to anyone.

They're confused about whether this feeling can even be called love.

They feel a similar way about everyone, so they think they might as well meet someone who at least fits their objective criteria.

When I hear advice to never compromise and be picky about who you date,

I'm afraid that I'll just get older and waste time without finding anyone. I'm afraid that I might not be able to turn back the clock.

Time is fair and opportunities are limited, but I don't want to fail.

After ending my relationship, I read a lot of books. I also looked for video lectures about interpersonal relationships.

Most tragedies start with the misconception that 'marriage is the end goal.'

People are obsessed with marriage as the end of dating, but the real end is breakup, and that struck me powerfully.

Marriage is just a middle step, and the true end of a relationship is death, when two people part ways.

Understanding this made me feel more at ease.

I haven't had a proper relationship until now, so what's marriage?

Since it's already late, I should just focus on dating someone I love and enjoying it.

I attended a cooking class and a book club.

I thought that finding love naturally through hobbies and meeting people was the best approach, rather than relying on blind dates.

Then I met someone I found appealing. He seemed like such a bright person. That was the beginning.

Even after months of seeing him, he was always cheerful and fun. He was playful, but never rude.

I always laughed when I was with him.

One day, my friend noticed my feelings and offered to set us up for a meal.

“That's all I can do. The rest is up to you two.”

Did that 'the rest is up to you two' mean it was completely up to me?

‘Okay, let's see if you can resist me.’ It was finally time for the real deal.

I was proactive, but in a natural way. I had intentions, but didn't make it obvious.

I applied all the flirting techniques I learned from books to him, not too much, not too little,

And I could see his heart, which had only been filled with awkwardness, gradually changing.

“I think I'm falling for you.”

A month later, he confessed his love.

We met almost every day. We were happy and laughed even without doing anything special.

Even after saying goodnight, my heart would race and I couldn't fall asleep. What was going on?

I'm finally in love. To feel this fluttering, excited feeling and not be able to sleep because of it...

Is this a dream? I was overcome with emotion.

Experiencing love firsthand made me understand why men had been so eager to see their girlfriends every day.

That urge to hold hands and be physically close.

I'm sorry, I get it now.

“You're like Alice in Wonderland.”

He mistook my skillful dating techniques learned from books and the odd disconnect from being a lifelong single person for a multi-faceted charm, and fell even deeper for me.

It was a time of endless happiness.

I suspect it was White Day. After I refused to spend the night with him because I wasn't ready, he seemed to be thinking a lot.

His usually bright face started to show occasional shadows. It was as if he suddenly realized the realities of our relationship after enjoying it so much.

“I'm not thinking about marriage yet. My family is pressuring me, and I'll tell them to stop stressing me out.

I don't have any savings, and I won't be getting married for a few years. It feels like a waste of time to hold onto you just because I like you.

If you're okay with it, we can keep dating, but if not, I think it would be best to end things.”

At the bus stop, where he dropped me off after our date, I snapped out of it when he said that.

Who said we were getting married? I couldn't believe it.

Initially, anger surged like a storm, but he was honest, and the decision was mine to make.

“After such a good start, all of a sudden… Isn't that basically saying you don't see a future with me?”

“I thought back to see if I had hinted at marriage. I definitely never brought it up.”

“So, what did you say?”

“I said I'd think about it.”

“Have you thought about it?”

“Before hearing that, I was so happy and full of dopamine, you know? But it felt like you suddenly threw a bucket of cold water on me.”

“If you were against marriage, there wouldn't be anything to think about. But you're not.”

“Meeting you makes me so excited and happy, but like I said, I have a bit of an immature side that makes me uneasy sometimes.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Based on my experience, once this topic comes up, both sides lose interest. I'm afraid we'll have to break up.”

Should I try to hold onto him and say let's just enjoy dating since he doesn't want to get married? Or should I just break up with him? I thought about it dozens of times.

I imagined us breaking up after dating well, and I also imagined a married life. Would I really be happy?

The answer to all those questions was breaking up.

I'll be 35 next year. I felt like my youth was being wasted just dating without a future.

“He emphasized that being selfish makes you a real jerk.”

“Even if he's not a terrible person, he's selfish and cowardly.”

“Yeah, he's not bad, but he was cowardly.”

“It's fortunate that he confessed, even if it's a little late. It's foolish, but at least he's not a truly bad person.”

“We were calling each other impulsive fools, then crying and laughing. It was a mess.”

“But it was a good ending. It seems like the best thing for both of us. He'll come to his senses and work harder, and you'll have good memories.”

“But I... I was so happy.”

I smiled and sent him off, thanking him for making me happy. Though it seemed to make him even more distressed.

I had a promise with my best friend. We agreed to introduce our partners to each other after 100 days of dating.

We made that promise because neither of us had had a long-term relationship, and my friend got married to the boyfriend I introduced her to.

My very first relationship ended just a few weeks before the 100-day mark.

I learned that when you put your all into something, you don't have any regrets.

I loved him with all my heart, and I have no regrets.

But sometimes, when tears would well up, I'd let them flow along with the water from the showerhead.

Just because I don't regret it doesn't mean I don't feel sad.

I had a dreamlike winter.

Now it's time to wake up from the dream and enjoy myself. Spring is calling.